I was talking with someone this week about one of the most damaging beliefs I learned as a child – “big boys don’t cry.” I remember not only was this belief told to me over and over by my caregivers, but being actively humiliated if I cried.
Like many in my generation, I had a lot of childhood trauma as trauma is passed down generationally and these damaging beliefs are also passed down from prior generations. I grew up in a punitive, conditional love culture. While being told I was loved, it was clear to me that that was only true if I acted in ways that were pleasing to my caregivers, teachers, etc.
What this results in however is little boys learning that who they inherently are is not acceptable to others. Some of us become people pleasers, others become narcissists and others just become angry at the world.
I became a people pleaser. I learned to ignore my own desires and focused on ensuring my relationships stayed harmonious by becoming whatever they needed me to be and pushing the disappointment and sadness deep within. This likely contributed to the blood clots that appeared in my mid-20’s. While there were certainly other factors, I’m sure this was one also.
All that being said, on my spiritual journey, I came to understand that my soul came into this world to experience certain things and I’m sure learning how to feel and process my emotions was one of those core lessons. I also believe this is true for many other men and women.
I am a U.S. Navy veteran and have worked in industries around other veterans for almost 30 years. Most of them struggle because not only have they not healed what they experienced in childhood, but their military experiences exacerbated the amount of repressed emotions significantly. This often leads to soldiers, sailors and airmen who have a difficult time transitioning back into civilian life and experience either depression, emotional upset or both.
I learned the basics of how to process my emotions over 20 years ago and this is part of what I teach to my clients. I am not going to tell you that I’ve “mastered” this as for me, mastery is a practice, not a destination. I can tell you that I process my emotions significantly better than I did 20 years ago and my life has changed immeasurably as a result.
An uncomfortable aspect of growth and evolution is that the people who were comfortable with you acting in ways that were pleasing to them, may be very uncomfortable and project their discomfort back onto you, which often pulls you back into those old behaviors.
But once you’ve experienced the freedom of being the new you, you will find it very difficult to stay in those old behaviors for long and you will likely come to realize that you are doing others a disservice by continuing to cater to their needs instead of honoring yourself.
Every one on this planet has the opportunity to grow and evolve. Those that choose not to do so are choosing to stay stuck in their old lives and that choice has nothing to do with you.
You become a beacon of light for others when you choose to honor yourself and what you want it life. You cannot move in two directions at once. You have to pick a path, focus on the goal of what it is you want to create and start moving down that path.
You may have less company on you new path, but as long as you are true to yourself, you have so much more to give those that share your path, because you offer them what you’ve given yourself; love, authenticity, compassion and understanding.
Just because you’ve been a certain way all of your life does not mean you have to continue to experience the same unwanted realities for the rest of it. I didn’t pursue Self-Mastery until I was over 40 and was amazed at all the hidden negative beliefs I was carrying around with me that I had no idea I was carrying. As I began to become aware of them and heal them, it was much like taking off a pair of colored sunglasses that affected the way I saw the world and the way the world saw me.
If you are ready to shift your life forward, contact me and let’s set up a time to meet. The first session is free and you will walk away with an assessment of what you’re carrying within and learn as thousands of other clients have, that you can heal the hidden traps holding you back.
Namaste
Jeff
If you live in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, I will be teaching a class on Emotional Healing and Empowerment at Miracles of Joy Metaphysical Shop in Bedford on Sep 27th from 7-9 pm.
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Jeff Scholl is a Certified Spiritual Life Coach through Holistic Learning Centers and a Board-Certified Holistic Health Practitioner through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners.
Learn more at: https://www.apathtopeace.org/
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