Some days, I feel on top of the world and some days, I can’t even imagine what Peace would look like in my life.
Just because I have been studying metaphysical and spiritual topics for over 30 years does not mean I am perfect in any way nor does it mean that every day just flows for me.
The more I meditate, the more I realize I have been living a life programmed by someone else’s idea of success and happiness. It’s like a song I wrote one time called, “I haven’t been living my life. My life’s been living me.”
The realization of this has been surfacing anger and frustration. When we are unconscious to why we have the feelings we do, it is normal for us to look out at the world and think that someone else is the reason why we feel what we feel.
This year has been mostly transformative for me. I have begun meditating every day and the act of meditation alone helps to start creating a distinction between the person I have been and the person I am becoming. In being able to feel that distinction, it is helping me to heal and release the anger.
I’m not saying it’s easy, but because I can feel the quiet, peaceful energy of who I am becoming, I do not identify with the angry feelings for long when they do arise. It still requires faith that there is an end to this, that it will get easier at some point.
As I write this, I am in the thick of it. I am feeling all of these dark, dense energies that have governed my life for so long and I am so, SO ready to release them.
I am ready to feel completely safe and secure in the world and have the freedom to take a walk in the woods and just BE there.
I have spent far too long being consumed with being what my coach once called me as a neurotic over-achiever. I have literally given blood, sweat and tears to others and I have not allowed myself to receive a fraction of what I’ve given.
This is not normal. It is a programmed response and I think there are many others on the planet right now in distress because they are waking up to the concept that this is not working for them either.
Spiritual growth isn’t always the “sunshine and rainbows” that many promise it to be. It is hard, but even in the hard parts, like I’m in right now, I know that each time I make it through one of these hard phases, there is more peace on the other side than I’ve had before.
I have learned that the only way out of my pain is to move through it. While there once was a time, I distanced myself from it, I now lean into it. I force myself to feel it as intensely as I can bear.
Is it scary? Hell yes, it’s scary. But it can be done and because I’ve done it so many times before, it gives me the courage to do it again.
I used to use alcohol, TV or social media to distract myself from feeling it. But at some point, there’s nowhere to hide and either I face it or suffer. I now choose to face it.
One of the things that gets me through it is to imagine in as much detail as possible what peace looks like.
I imagine myself taking a walk through the woods at a state park near here where I know the path well. I find my big meditation rock and stretch out on it and I allow myself to just BE in that moment. I take a moment to see all the beautiful trees around me. I listen to the sounds of the birds chirping, the insects trilling and the water flowing over the rocks a hundred feet below. I feel the cool wind drying the sweat on my arms from the climb up. I feel at peace within me and completely satisfied in the moment.
This is Peace to me.
What does Peace look, sound and feel like to you?
I know many of you are struggling right now to make sense of the chaos we have in our world and I know how painful many of your lives are because the Universe itself is pushing us to grow out of our comfort zones, so if you haven’t been growing, your comfort zones may be getting smaller.
The only choice we have therefore is to grow.
But know that you are you not alone.
We are all in this together and I am here with you feeling much of the same things you’re feeling and promising you that there is a way through.
Let go of any concept that what you’re feeling has to do with anyone else but yourself. While this may be a difficult thing to let go of at first, you will find that in doing so, you will actually feel relieved. Because you truly can’t control anyone else. The only person you can change…is you.
Decide today to change you, from the inside out.
And if you have a question or need help, contact me at: https://www.apathtopeace.org/contact
Be gentle with yourself.
Namaste
Jeff
P.S. I feel it is vitally important to share our struggles as well as our successes because many of us are struggling right now and it is important to know that struggle is part of the journey.
© 2022. All rights reserved.
Jeff Scholl is a Certified Spiritual Life Coach through Holistic Learning Centers and a Board Certified Holistic Health Practitioner through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners.
Learn more at: https://www.apathtopeace.org/
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